I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
