I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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