uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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