my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
