then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
drinking out of a sandbucket again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
