1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
