i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
