"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
