I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
