The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
