You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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