Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize