I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
