this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
