So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
