obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
