I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize