it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
