i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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