Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
