My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
