You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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