Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
