I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
