I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
