Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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