Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
