someone owes me an orgasm
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
