Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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