i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize