No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We got so high we made milksteak
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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