is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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