I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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