She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
