I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
