Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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