she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
