Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
