I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
