booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
