I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Randomize