yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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