don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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