theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
