Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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