i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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