If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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