If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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