whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
