I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I still have a little drunk in my system
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize