why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
