1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
