I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
