we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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