oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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