Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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