hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
