I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
