Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
