i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
