In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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