I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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