Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
