I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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