so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
