I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
