did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
