"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
