so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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