Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
