i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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