people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
