I want to stick my p in your. b.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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