Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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