she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
