Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
