I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize