Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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