we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
