Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
