I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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