I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
