I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
