im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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