i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize