it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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