There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
