the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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