remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
