I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
