I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize