my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
