it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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