I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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