hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude i'm inner monologue high
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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