I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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