I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
